


Making Up

by spookyawards_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Humor, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-06-28
Updated: 2003-06-28
Packaged: 2019-04-27 06:52:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14419911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookyawards_archivist/pseuds/spookyawards_archivist
Summary: Make-up 101





	Making Up

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Spooky Awards](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Spooky_Awards), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [SpookyAwards' collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/spookyawards/profile).

 

Making Up

## Making Up

### by Rogue

Title: Making Up 

Author: Rogue 

Summary: Make-up 101. 

Category: S, H, MPOV, Mulder/Scully married 

Rating: G 

Spoilers: None. But S9 still didn't happen and Dogget & Reyes are still in Alaska investigating the snow circles. 

Disclaimer: Yes, I'm _still_ CC. 

Archiving: Yes, please. Just tell me where so I can visit and brag. 

Thank you Xdks for the wonderful beta again. :) 

* * *

Time for the daily check-up. I'm standing in the bathroom facing the mirror. This is something that I do every morning, check out if I've got new grey hairs or wrinkles. 

Grey hairs first. 

I make a sound resembling the girly scream. I've got three more grey hairs since my check-up the previous morning! I swear to God, I have! Scully doesn't believe me, of course. When I'm over the biggest shock I decide to check the wrinkles next. 

Let's see... all still there. No new ones either, what a relief! Grey hairs I can get rid of with hair dye, but wrinkles are forever. 

Then it's time for the talk. I usually just look myself in the mirror and tell myself what a stud I am. 'Mulder, you're the manliest man on earth. The chicks dig you but you only have eyes for Scully...' I finish my little pep talk and look at myself in the mirror again. 

"Damn, Mulder. You're the man!" I say aloud and wink to the mirror. 

My eyes catch something in Scully's make-up bag. It's a tube with a picture of an orange flower on it. I pick it up and unscrew it. Mmm... smells good! I squeeze some of the stuff onto my left forefinger. 

It's GREEN! 

I read the text from the label on the tube: 'Facial mask. Oatmeal and avocado.' Oatmeal and avocado?! I rub the green goo between my thumb and forefinger. It's grainy.. what the heck?! I rub it on my left cheek. It actually feels quite good and cool on my cheek. Plus it smells nice. 

Soon my left cheek is covered in green goo. I screw the top back on and check all the other interesting things in Scully's make-up bag. It's huge! I eye the various tubes, pencils and bottles. Picking one up I unscrew the top and smell it. Ugh, it doesn't smell as nice as the facial mask goo did. And this one is brown! What the hell is it? 

I squeeze the tube and a big puddle forms in my right palm. I didn't know it would be so liquid, it's running through my fingers. I look at the label, it says 'fluid mat foundation.' What is that? Let's try it on... Man, is this stuff brown or what?! My other cheek is now dark brown. Brown and green... good combination. 

What would Scully say if she caught me going through her make-up bag and trying some of them on?! She'd be pissed off, no doubt. All these cosmetics are interesting. It takes Scully at least twenty minutes to get her make-up done in the morning. No wonder, she has all these weird things in here. 

I peer in the bag and put the brown tube back. The once blue tube is now smeared with brown fingerprints. The next item I pick up is a lipstick. It's dark red, I love this colour on Scully's lips. I've always wondered how women can put on lipstick so carefully. I want to try it out myself. I take the stick to my lips and start applying it. It's really hard. It slips a couple of times. I look at the results in the mirror. My cheeks are brown and green and my lipstick is uneven. I look ridiculous. 

I wonder what this colour is called? It says Magic Forest on the label. It also says timeproof lipstick! Oh no! I won't get it off? There's got to be something to get it off with in the bag! I search but come up with nothing! I find nail files, powders, tweezers, various make-up pens, lip balms but nothing to help me out here. All the other stuff I've dug up from the bag looks intriguing though. There's one item that looks like a lipstick but it's kind of brown. Like the fluid foundation. Is this used on lips, too? I try it... I don't think it's used on lips. My lower lip is now smeared with a beige, thick lipstick-like... thing! What in the world is it? I look at the stick, it says 'cover stick'. Oops, I guess it wasn't lipstick after all. The cover stick has red lipstick on it now! I'll just put it back in the bag and pretend that I don't know anything about it. 

The next thing I want to try out is the eye shadow. I saw some red eye shadow in Scully's make-up bag. This time, though, I decide to read what it is first and then try it on. It's not eye shadow! It's blush! There's a little brush with it too, and I use it to put some blush on the brown side of my face. There... I look like a dark skinned Geisha now. I guess I put on too much blush. 

Where is that mascara I saw earlier? Ah, there. I unscrew it... it's blue! I thought all mascara was black. I don't want to use blue mascara, Scully must have a black one somewhere. I find another one... ah hah! This one is black. The brush looks really odd. It's not round as I expected it to be. One side of it has longer bristles than the other. I bring the brush near my right eye. Just as I'm about to put some of it on my eyelashes my instincts kick in and I shut my eye. Ouch! It stings! I try to open my eye but I can't see anything with it. I've gone blind! 

No no... I got it open. My right eye is red and it's watering. Sheesh, that hurt like hell. Then I notice the black streak going up to my eyebrow. I look like one of those clowns. I decide to get some toilet paper, wet it in the sink and try to get rid of this black. 

It's not working! Why is it not coming off? Oh God, it must be one of those make-ups that won't come off! I look at the mascara tube... I was right! It's waterproof mascara. What do you use to get waterproof mascara off then? I have no idea, but I'll come up with something. 

Time to check out all the various pens in the bag. I pick one up... it's red. It must be used for lips. Yep, it reads 'lip liner for lips.' Well, hello? Who would use lip liner on anything but their lips? I don't want to try that, my lips are already as red as they could possibly be. Some of it has smeared on my cheek. My lower lip is half beige, half red and the cover stick tastes bad. The next pen I pick up is a black one. Let's see... it's eye liner. Ooh, is this the one you use to draw that line to the corner of your eye? I'm going to try that. 

There. Now I have curls in the corners of both of my eyes. I look more ridiculous than I did before. Now all I need is powder to complete my make-up. Where did that powder I saw earlier go? Got it! I open the tub, it's purple. Powder isn't purple. This must be eye shadow then. There's no little brush like the blush had so I rub my finger on it and then rub it on my eyelid. 

It looks like I have a black eye now. Great. 

Now where is that powder? I spy it, it's in the sink under all the other stuff I dug up from Scully's make-up bag. I pick it up and open it. This is strange. It's not the powder I'm used to seeing... it looks like flour. The label on it says 'loose powder.' This is new to me. The make up puff looks fluffy. I dab it on the powder. Where should I try this? The only places on my face with no make-up are my nose and forehead. I decide to apply it to my nose. I dab it twice... I think I put too much of the powder on the puff. Some of the powder is floating around my face. It's in my eyes and nose now. I feel like sneezing. 

**ACHOO! ACHOO!**

I sneeze four more times, my eyes and nose are running like waterfalls and my nose hurts from sneezing so hard. 

I hear a sound from downstairs... it's Scully. Oh no! She can't come in here. I try to lock the bathroom door but another sneezing fit takes me over. I'm sneezing like there's no tomorrow and Scully is climbing up the stairs. 

"Mulder, are you ok? What's happening?" She shouts. 

"Nothing, Scully. I'm _achoo_... I'm okay." 

She doesn't believe me and opens the door. 

"Mulder...", she starts. 

Scully's mouth it agape. She's staring at me like I'm some circus freak with two heads. 

"I was just, uhh... trying on some of your make-up...," I explain looking guilty and sounding congested. 

She looks at the sink and I can see her cheeks reddening. Man, I'm in so much trouble. 

"I can see that, Mulder. Do you have any idea how much all those cosmetics cost? You've used some of my most expensive stuff there." she says infuriated. 

I blush and say, "I'm sorry, Scully. I guess I got a little carried away." 

"A _little_ , Mulder?! You better be sorry... you've ruined most of my make-up!" 

"I will pay for you them... or buy you new ones. Please, Scully. Don't be mad with me. You know I can't stand it." 

She looks at me with suspicion. 

"Well, OK. I'll forgive you, but you have to take me out to dinner. To that new expensive Italian restaurant." 

"Yes, dear. I will." 

I walked to Scully and hugged her. 

"Mulder, look at you! You're a mess. I have some make-up remover in one of the cabinets, we have to get rid of all this." 

It's in the cabinet! Why didn't I think of looking for it there? 

I look myself in the mirror. Oh my God! My nose is running and the eye-liner is smeared all over my face. I look like a clown after rain. 

"Mulder, come sit here. I'll take all of that off your face." 

I oblige and sit on the toilet, noticing that Scully has some red on the collar of her shirt. The lipstick I was wearing! Oh no... 

"Uhh...Scully... you have some... lipstick on your collar." 

She turns to look in the mirror, and laughs. I didn't expect that reaction from her. 

"It's usually the other way around, Mulder. Men have lipstick on their collars, not women. I guess we never do anything the normal way. I can tell people that it's from my husband." 

She starts to remove the make-up from my face. 

"Mulder! Why do you have cover stick on your lip?!" 

"Umm... because I thought it was lipstick. It looked like lipstick to me..." 

"You silly man," she says and finishes cleaning my face. 

* * *

After the expense of the Italian restaurant and the new make-up I  
had to buy for Scully, I decided that it would be the last time I'd  
ever try on Scully's make-up!

The End   
  


#### If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Rogue


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